Queen Elizabeth Returns from the Dead, Demands Tea, Crumpets, and Brains
In a turn of events that has left the nation stunned and royal historians scrambling, Queen Elizabeth II has reportedly returned from the dead. Her first royal decree? A demand for tea, a crumpet, and, somewhat alarmingly, brains.
The Queen, who was believed to have passed away peacefully, shocked staff at Buckingham Palace when she appeared in the royal kitchen, casually asking for her unusual breakfast. “One does require sustenance after a stint in the afterlife,” she reportedly said, adjusting her crown and smoothing her robes.
Eyewitnesses report that the Queen seemed in good spirits, if a little more… undead than usual. “She was a bit pale, and her eyes had a strange glow,” said one palace staff member. “But she was very polite. Even said ‘please’ when she asked for brains.”
The news has sent shockwaves through the UK and beyond. Royal watchers are aghast, historians are baffled, and the British public is torn between terror and amusement. “It’s a bit scary, innit?” said one Londoner. “But if anyone could pull off being a zombie, it’s our Queen.”
Meanwhile, the royal family has yet to make an official statement, though Prince Charles was seen purchasing a beginner’s guide to dealing with the undead. The palace kitchen staff, on the other hand, are reportedly struggling to fulfill the Queen’s new dietary requirements. “We’re used to making her tea and crumpets,” said the head chef. “But brains? That’s a new one.”
As for the Queen, she seems to be taking her new undead status in stride. “One has always adapted to the times,” she was heard saying. “And if the times call for a bit of brain with one’s breakfast, then so be it.”
So, if you’re ever in London and hear a strange shuffling in Buckingham Palace, don’t be alarmed. It’s just the Queen, enjoying her new undead life and her unusual breakfast. And remember, if you see her, it’s still proper etiquette to bow or curtsy. Just… maybe keep your brain to yourself.
